That which consumed me for a long while now rests in some dusty mental closet.
I don’t know
what I’m doing, or what I want. I have to re-evaluate... I’ve lost sight of all
that I’ve wanted for myself, and what I want to come from me for others. It
is the Buddhist concept of “impermanence,” that I’ve so pounded into my brain…
maybe it’s the battery of my faults, maybe some real life insecurity, maybe a
combination.
My motorcycle has been my prayer
vehicle. Its also about my only time alone. I come back home from whatever
little ride and I’m refreshed...
I feel like an empty house. Not empty like a receiving vessel, but
like something worn, battered by the earth, a little charred. An old house with
dark, vacant windows and paint almost completely peeled.
I am almost surprised to feel like I've come
from it. Windows with warm light instead of emptiness. Time heals. Will say that I am eager to have
my motorcycle up and running again this Spring.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Getting down
Writing is healthy as it is fulfilling, and really needs
to enter my life again. Its gone to the wayside as life has gotten more
'grown-up.' The big events that crop up and need be codified in some way to
avoid being lost forever, are usually just lost forever. My goal is to relax a
bit, purge some of the technical writing style which seems to pervade my ever
waking thought, and give myself the freedom of exploring-by-writing
light/heavy/comical/ultraserious/angsty/unangsty/sad/happy things. Thats the
goal. Skip the meta-analytical. Maybe skip most of the angst, and concentrate on
happy.
I very much love and am fulfilled by my coupled life. (Just for insurance, maybe I should say this is an extension of loving and being fulfilled by her). I could write about this. And, time-willing, the current events/philosophical/social issues out there that warrant some analysis and exploration-via-writing. Themes of past writing, from the teenage livejournal to the infrequent blackberry documents, have been social awkwardness, mindfulness, sexuality. Reflections on interdependence; basically trying to convince myself of it.
Being outdoors, on land relatively undisturbed, is what grounds me. It is especially sombering right now - always like the spiritual person entering into their sanctuary after a long absence. The relatively undisturbed earth places, the trees, scarab beetles, wasps, flowers, fallen leaves, is a lullaby of the soundest truth I know. It is a present state of evolution. A template that began so long ago with some ancient waters and... whatever the current consensus of the beginning. I like to think of the goings-on of stromatolites. It is the cathedral, weathered exterior of which filled with scribbled histories. It is the roots and place sense forever inscribed - my hometown, so to speak... is purifying, grounding, inspiring... I'm hereby making a reminder to write about this.
I very much love and am fulfilled by my coupled life. (Just for insurance, maybe I should say this is an extension of loving and being fulfilled by her). I could write about this. And, time-willing, the current events/philosophical/social issues out there that warrant some analysis and exploration-via-writing. Themes of past writing, from the teenage livejournal to the infrequent blackberry documents, have been social awkwardness, mindfulness, sexuality. Reflections on interdependence; basically trying to convince myself of it.
Being outdoors, on land relatively undisturbed, is what grounds me. It is especially sombering right now - always like the spiritual person entering into their sanctuary after a long absence. The relatively undisturbed earth places, the trees, scarab beetles, wasps, flowers, fallen leaves, is a lullaby of the soundest truth I know. It is a present state of evolution. A template that began so long ago with some ancient waters and... whatever the current consensus of the beginning. I like to think of the goings-on of stromatolites. It is the cathedral, weathered exterior of which filled with scribbled histories. It is the roots and place sense forever inscribed - my hometown, so to speak... is purifying, grounding, inspiring... I'm hereby making a reminder to write about this.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Here's to Hello
An introduction.
I really hate introducing myself in an open-ended way. It causes me great anxiety in groups. But, I know this is one of the only ways that one can be introduced. So, I've gone back to my old Myspace and pulled my bio as a format. Just kidding. I am in school at TAMU, studying agronomy. I don't do much more than school and the time spent with girlfriend, dogs, and garden.
My girlfriend has turned into a baby blog reading machine. Behavior such as this may be alarming in other relationships, but she's been baby-geared since a wee lad. We're getting pretty serious, so this is some effort at starting a baby blog, among other things.
Where we're at in the baby-making stage:
We have two dogs, a cat, and are fostering another dog. This foster dog (puppy) makes things a little chaotic. It makes me think that our collective subconcious wants us to be prepared for small humans. The subconscious probably doesn't know you don't crate-train children. It will probably be a few years before we get engaged, then another til we're married, then we'd want to settle somewhere, ideally with each a dream job, then say, another year at least for actual conception....... I may hold off on calling this a baby blog. Maybe add some things in on the side to keep it flowing.
I really hate introducing myself in an open-ended way. It causes me great anxiety in groups. But, I know this is one of the only ways that one can be introduced. So, I've gone back to my old Myspace and pulled my bio as a format. Just kidding. I am in school at TAMU, studying agronomy. I don't do much more than school and the time spent with girlfriend, dogs, and garden.
My girlfriend has turned into a baby blog reading machine. Behavior such as this may be alarming in other relationships, but she's been baby-geared since a wee lad. We're getting pretty serious, so this is some effort at starting a baby blog, among other things.
Where we're at in the baby-making stage:
We have two dogs, a cat, and are fostering another dog. This foster dog (puppy) makes things a little chaotic. It makes me think that our collective subconcious wants us to be prepared for small humans. The subconscious probably doesn't know you don't crate-train children. It will probably be a few years before we get engaged, then another til we're married, then we'd want to settle somewhere, ideally with each a dream job, then say, another year at least for actual conception....... I may hold off on calling this a baby blog. Maybe add some things in on the side to keep it flowing.
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